Dear, Maya
by SkinnyJeansAndAnorexia
Summary: All 16 yr old Maya has every known is failing grades, hunger and emptiness. When flashbacks and nightmares start to effect her again, will it be too late to stop history from repeating? (I'm really bad at summaries, sorry!) CONTAINS; some sexual content, cursing, self-harming, drugs and abuse. Reviews are appreciated.
1. Girl Meets Katy

**G****irl Meets Kat****y**

**A/N: read & review. I have a very interesting story line but I can't continue if no one tells me to. Plus. I estimated this whole thing so hopefully it adds up & makes sense.**

**Maybe this can be more than a one-shot?**

* * *

><p><strong>Friday September 1, 2000 <strong>

It was cold that night. She could feel the breeze every time he shoved his hand up forcefully up her shirt. She didn't know why she was out here anyways. She should be home in her bed sleeping away her Friday night in the empty halls of her home. She shifted her drink into her left hand and shook her blond hair onto her shoulders.

"Hey, Katy, lets take a little walk OK?" David said. His white teeth shining in the moonlight. She looked around for a bit. The other seniors were farther away from them now. She was the youngest of the group and was only here for David. They were having a little bomb fire in the vacancy of some nearby woods.

"It's kinda dark out there. Can't we stay here?"

"C'mon K, you got me. No one's gonna catch you, I promise." He sung sweetly to her and she reluctantly agreed.

"Fine, but only for a little while."

So they walked. They walked until the sound the half drunk teens were falling behind them. She started to hear the crickets in the distance and every step they took made a crackle in the air. A breeze blew and her skirt fluttered a bit.

"Alright, David. I think we should get back. We're getting really far. What if we get lost?"

David turned around and pressed his lips against hers. She could taste the liquor on his tongue and it didn't feel good. His hand wandered to her blouse again and gripped her tightly by the waist. He only moves his lips to start trailing kisses down her neck.

"David- David, slow down," Katy said using her small hands to push him by his shoulders. David stopped for a bit and drew back to look at her.

"What's wrong? Don't you want this?"

"No, I just wanna go home."

David presses his lips to hers again, "Just relax ok?" He leads her down to the cold ground. Her hand press firmly against the cold ground. The kisses turn into fire and his teeth gnaws at her neck. His hands hike her skirt just above her waist and theres a brief moment of cold air before he presses back down on her again. She holds her breath and just counts back to ten over and over again in her head.

* * *

><p><strong>Wednesday September 20th, 2000<strong>

It was the third time that day that she had thrown up. She was officially certain that she had caught the stupid flu from her stupid chemistry partner over the week. She stood from the toilet bowl and decided to call her mom so she could get out of school early. Between teachers and her annoying classmates she couldn't deal with them anymore.

She made her way to the nurses office but was told to head back to class.

* * *

><p><strong>Saturday September 30th, 2000<strong>

Katy sat alone on the toilet in the bathroom. Her breathing was uneven and she wasn't sure if she should even be doing this right now. But she had to know. She was barely 16 and didn't know how to take care of herself, let alone a baby.

She waited for the time to past and it felt like an eternity before the timer went off. She looked down on the little stick and saw the positive sign. Her tears flowed freely.

* * *

><p><strong>Monday October 8th, 2000<strong>

Katy had spent a week off of school. A whole week without talking to David. A whole week of crying and a whole week of her mother yelling profanities at her for being dumb enough to become knocked up. Now that her parents knew (well her dad was never home anyways and her mother never like her to begin with).

She waited until school let out. She waited for David to come around the bend and when he did he wore the biggest smile.

"Hey, there's my girl! I saw you made lead in the school's play. You excited?" He smoke with such ease it made her want to smile, but she couldn't bring herself to.

"Um, David I have to tell you something super important. I don't want you to freak out or anything."

He knitted his eyebrows together and pulled her further away into a corner. "What is it?"

"Um, David I-um-I… I'm pregnant," she let it out with her eyes looking towards the ground.

"What? Are you sure?"

"Of course I'm sure, what are we gonna do?"

David just stared in her eyes before slowing backing away, "I gotta - I gotta go to football, we'll talk about this later ok?"

"We don't have later David!" Katy yelled but before she knew it, he was around the bend and out of sight.

* * *

><p><strong>Saturday October 16th, 2000<strong>

Katy hadn't seen David for a whole week. He made sure to avoid her like the plague. The little time she was in school she would only see him afterwards running laps with his other team mates. _He was pathetic_, she thought.

As she sat in her room, reading the pamphlets that labelled: Why Abortion? or Abortion Facts and How To Feel About Abortion.

She wasn't sure if she was sick because of the pamphlets or because of the baby. Her mind was racing and she wasn't even sure if she wanted to keep the baby, but her parents were pushing her too and David was no where to consult in.

And it was her body this monster was residing in, it should be her choice anyways!

Just then she heard a knock at the door and since she was home alone she had to run downstairs to answer it.

"Who is it?"

"Uhm- David. Open up, we needa talk"

Katy opened the door slowly and saw him with his black leather jacket and white t-shirt. He had sunglasses on his eyes and his hair was freshly cut.

"Took you long enough, thought you were never going to come around."

"I wouldn't do that, I just needed time to think." He said as he pushed by her into her living room.

"And what have you thought?" She said, following him onto the brown leather couch.

"I think you should just get rid of it. No one knows, you're only 16 and I'm graduating this year. I'm going to college, I can't balance a baby, work and school like that."

Katy averted her eyes to a loose thread of string hanging off of her over-sized hoodie. Why is everyone so against the baby? She starts to think.

"But, what if that's wrong? What if we're suppose to have this baby?" She doesn't know why she's so pro-life at the moment it just happened.

"Katy. Listen to me. You're 16, you have another year after this year. I'm going to college in a few months. When am I going to find time for a baby? Let's face it. We'd be horrible parents. I never had a father and your parents are always fighting.

We have no model relationship to show this... Kid. Parenting doesn't just happen. We can go to the clinic sometime next weekend. We can make this all go away.

* * *

><p><strong>Saturday October 21st, 2000<strong>

The bed she laid on felt hard and cold on her back. Every breath she took made the paper on the bed rustle under her. She wasn't sure if it was the baby or if she genuinely needed to throw up.

The bright lights on the ceiling was giving her a migraine. She was counting backwards from 100 like the nurse told her too. She was waiting to be numb so they could take this hell out of her and go on with the rest of her life.

But it wasn't that simple. Maybe it was for David or her parents but not her. She was the only one this baby had to protect it and here she was...

The nurse reached for the needle to numb the pain, instead of lying there and clenching on to the rough bed she slapped the needle out of her hand.

"I'm sorry but, I can't do this!"

She raced out the room to the bathroom, stripped the hospital gown and threw back on her jeans and T-shirt.

She couldn't do this.

* * *

><p><strong>Friday December 1st, 2000<strong>

It has been three months and Katy was just about to give up. Her morning sickness was subsiding and she could eat enough again.

She went to the doctors and found out: it's a girl. (Whatever, it looks like an alien to me).

David only talks to her when he has to now-a-days and for some reason she was fine with that...

* * *

><p><strong>May 9, 2001<strong>

**(32 weeks/ 9 months)**

She had the waddle. Oh yea Katy George had the waddle. She was so ready to drop this load she was upset when the baby decided she wasn't ready just yet.

She walked down into the kitchen and grabbed a bottle of water and crackers and went to sit on the couch. Her ankles ached miserably but she didn't care anymore.

As soon as she has the baby she is shipping it away to an adoption agency. Far, far, away from her.

Katy made it successfully to the couch but as soon as she sat down she noticed the remote on the other side of the coffee table. She slowly got up and there was a slight pop. Warmth pooled around her pants and she wondered if she had embarrassingly went to the bathroom on herself... Again.

"Mom!" She called out, unable to move. "I think my water just broke!"


	2. Girl Meets Maya

**A/N: **Let the fun begin. Thanks for the follows and favorites and reviews. :) Sorry for any mistakes, I'm still looking for a beta. So if you're interested let me know.

**G****irl Meets May****a**

"Get out of that place that's restraining your love."

-Plumb

* * *

><p><strong>Thursday May 10th, 2001<strong>

She was red, very red and small. Weighing in 6 pounds and 2 ounces. She had the purest blue eyes and the widest screaming mouth. Her lungs were huge, Katy thought. She could see her pink tongue shaking with each scream, her gums blending in with the rest of her little mouth. She was so _small!_

It took 6 hours but she did it.

Little Maya Hart was born: May 10, 2001 at 9:03 a.m. She weighed in at six pounds and 3 ounces, with a very small patch of blonde hair atop her tiny head.

Katy could see herself in this little. She could also see David who was surprisingly waiting outside to see the baby. This tiny ball of a thing.

David came in a little after the nurses had left for a bit. Maya was finally quitting down as she drifted off to her first sleep outside of the womb.

Katy looked up at David as he walked in, a huge smile plastered on her face as she bounced the baby in her arms. "You want to hold her? She's finally not screaming."

David looked in shock for a second before nodding his head. He reached out to grab Maya, not wanting to left her too far from the bed just in case he accidently dropped her with his sweaty palms. She grunted a bit in his arms and opened her toothless mouth to let out a long yawn.

"She looks like you right?" Katy had said after a few silent moments of watching them. David didn't respond, he was too shell shocked. "Holding her here in this moment makes me want to hold her forever. She's so defenseless and tiny. She needs me… She needs us…"

* * *

><p><strong>Saturday May 5th, 2018 (10:45 A.M.)<strong>

Maya stretched her legs out on the bed, the rough covers rubbing against her skin. She could feel the warmth of someone behind her and she quickly opened her eyes. The sun beamed directly in her eyes and she immediately turned the opposite way. When she opened her eyes again she was surrounded by a pastly white chest and a long, strong arms was wrapped lazily around her slender waist.

She groaned this time not from the sun but from her instant realization of what must have went down last night. She looked down under the covers and confirmed her suspicion. They had had sex last night. Not, sweet romantic type sex but: I-just-want-to-fuck-you-not-make-love-to-you-so-you-can-keep-your-shirt-on-I-just-want-your-vagina type sex.

It' s not that she minded at all, this was her life and she had to deal with it. She liked being able to have sex anytime she wanted, get high anytime she wanted. And he (who she has come to know too commonly as 'Butch') was the right person for this. All she really had to do was show him her pretty blue eyes and push her breast out and he was hers. (He was also 19 years old living with three other guys but that didn't matter).

Maya flipped around the bed again and gazed through squinted eyes around the room to spot her runaway underwear that was thrown to be forgotten last night. When she didn't spot them but found her jeans laying on the edge of his bed she grabbed those and yanked herself out of bed to slip them on. Butch rolled around in bed, reached his arm out to feel for her again. When he did not he opened his eyes and peeked through his eyelids and caught enough of her to realize she was leaving.

"Where ya goin?" He spoke, tongue heavy with sleep.

"I need to get outta here, asap! Do you know where my phone is?" She asked looking aimlessly around.

"Why you tryna leave so early?" He ignored her first question and instead started to get out of bed. He pulled the ugly dark brown covers back and she wasn't surprised to see him stark naked. He really had no shame.

Maya looked away for a second then turned back to him, looking deeply in his mossy green eyes, "I gotta go. I've been gone for two whole days, I'm pretty sure really has called the police by now."

"Riley? That's your brunette friend right?" He walked closer to her as he spoke. Maya shook her head, yes.

"She's cute, talks too much shit though."

"Don't do that- she's my frie-" She began to say but he cuts her off with a kiss. His tongued licked her bottom lip to allow entrance but she wasn't giving it to him. She pushed away. "I can't right now I need to get home and shower and see Riley."

That didn't stop him though. He grabbed the side of her head, placing another hot kiss on her lip. When she didn't open her mouth this time he bit down hard on her bottom lip. She screamed but it got muffled in her mouth. He sucked a while on her blood before violently pushing her away.

"Fine, get out."

* * *

><p><strong>11:20 (Hart Residence)<strong>

When Maya got home, the first thing she did was run to the bathroom. She knew she looked like a wreck coming on he train with post-sex hair and a busted lip. She stripped all her clothes and ran the water for a shower. She would rather take a nice hot bath but that kind of luxury was only available at the Matthews. Her hot water didn't even stay on for long. She stepped into the steaming shower and let the water burn her in a pleasant kind of heat felt as if it was reaching all the way down to her tense muscles and soothing her in a way. Less than thirty seconds later the water switched to lukewarm and she hurried to add soap and shampoo to her before she was meet with the inevitable cold.

She was out of the shower in less than ten minutes. She dried herself with a small towel, wrapped it around her slim body and ran to her room. She was shaking a little from the change of temperature so she hurried and slipped on a pair of jeans with a white t-shirt. She placed her phone on the charger and decided to call Riley after she was done with the mess she ran past in the living room.

Her mother was no where to be found but one of her useless boyfriends were. Tom laid almost lifeless on the couch Maya had to kick him to make sure he was alive. She cleaned up all the empty bottles (finished the half full ones) of liquors in the small trash can in the small kitchen next to their small living room. She collected all the trashed paper towels, matches and stupid lottery tickets off of the alcohol stained rug.

When finished she looked in the fridge to to see if anything in there was edible. There was a loaf of bread and some peanut butter. She pulled it out of the fridge and set it on the counter. She inspected the bread only to have to throw it out because mold was in every crevice. She checked the peanut butter and found out it was good. She took a plastic spoon from in the sink (they had no real need for dishes because they never really ate at home anyways) and stabbed it into the jar. She pulled out a healthy spoonful of the goo and stuck it in her mouth.

Maya sauntered back into her room and checked her phone. It read 57% and that was good enough for her. She took another spoonful of peanut butter before dialing Riley's number. She answered on the second ring.

"Maya! Oh my goodness, I thought you died!" Riley spoked through the phone, "Where have you been? I've been calling your phone but it went straight to voicemail every time! And your mother said she thought you were with me the whole time!-"

"Riley, calm down, I'm fine! I lost my phone so I couldn't call you back after your 50 missed calls." Maya scooped another spoonful of peanut butter into her mouth.

"Then where were you? You missed school."

"If you must know, mother, I was with Butch the whole time."

Riley shivered on the other side of the phone. She hated the delinquent that self-proclaimed himself the name of Butch. She hated to way he talked, looked and bossed Maya around. She had voiced her opinion of him many times but Maya didn't care. She claimed it was love.

"Of course... Why didn't I think of that?"

Maya rolled her baby blues at Riley. She just didn't understand.

"You're right Riles, I should have let you know before disappearing. Now how about we hang out today? To make it up to you?"

Riley squealed on the other end of the phone, "Yay! I'll see you soon!"

* * *

><p><strong>Friday June 1st, 2001<strong>

Maya went through the night like she did most nights. Screaming until her face was red and her voice was shaking. Katy rocked her in her arms for the eighth time that night. She wondered what she could be doing so wrong that little Maya wouldn't stop crying.

Her mother, Rebecca Fox, paid no attention to her unless she was yelling at her for not aborting "it" a long time ago, or at least give her up for adoption.

And Katy thought of that. Since Maya she hardly goes to school anymore or gets any sleep for that matter. She has thought of just going out to a really nice neighborhood and placing her on the front steps of a big house with two cars. But she also couldn't picture letting her little girl go. Even if she was basically alone (David stopped by once or twice to see Maya and drop off diapers) she felt she had to keep her.

Katy looked at the clock on the wall that read: 4:03 a.m. and tossed her head back in desperation. Wondering if she's making the right choice.

* * *

><p><strong>Saturday May 5, 2018 - 2:14 p.m.<strong>

Maya arrived at the Matthews apartment in a little under an hour. She checked her reflection in her smart phone Corey gave her years ago. Her lip was slightly swollen from the biting that she tried to cover up with some of her moms cheap red lipsticks. She turned the knob and wasn't surprised to find it open. She popped her little head of blonde hair into the door and yelled: I'm home!

She lead her whole body in and saw Topanga and Auggie perched up on the the kitchen table eating an afternoon snack.

"Hey Maya!" A nine year old Auggie said with a mouth full of ham and cheese sandwich.

"Hey bud! Ya Missed me?" Auggie let out a slight giggle and returned back to his sand which.

"Maya... Are you OK?" Topanga had gotten out of her seat to embrace Maya in a death grip.

Maya smiled and showed all her teeth, "I'm fine Ms. Matthews. I just had to take a break from everything."

"I understand. Just know we are always here for you OK?" Topanga started with a worried look on her face. Maya nodded. She wonders if they'll feel so sure about her if they knew of Butch or her drug and alcohol problem. She hoped Riley hadn't spilled anything about her life to her parents. She still wanted them to think of her as innocent.

She wasn't so sure why she wanted them to stay in the dark. They already knew of her barely there mother and all her perverted male friends. They knew of her bouts of cutting and her in and out of therapy sessions. They just couldn't know of this. Not now, not ever.

Just as Topanga was about to say something else, Riley burst into the scene, running to jump into her best friend arms.

"Maya!" She squealed. Maya tense when Riley flew into her arms. "Gosh I missed you."

Riley grabbed Maya's hand and started to lead her into her room. She shut the door behind them and went to sit in the window.

"I got your homework for Thursday and Friday. I didn't do it just incase you'd want to do it. But if you don't, I can!"

Throughout the years Maya had took the responsibility of doing her own work. She wasnt 12 and stupid anymore and she could understand things enough to do her own homework. But sometimes she didn't when she was discouraged or didn't find it in her to. Then that's when Riley stepped in.

"Riles, I don't want you to do my homework." She said slowly and softly to get it into Riley's thick skull. Maya slipped the home pages out of Riley's grasp before ripping it up and throwing them away. "Its OK."

Riley cocked her head to the side before sighing, "What happened to your lip?"

"What?"

"Your lip is swollen and... Busted... What happened?"

"It's nothing, don't worry about it. I'm fine." Maya tried to force another toothful smile. "Is your mom going to work today? Shes all fancy in her suit."

Riley got the idea. She stored Maya's injured lip in the back of her mind to return to later on. "Yea, she has a case today. She's leaving soon and Auggie is going across the hall to Ava."

"Where's dad?" Maya asked in a jokingly manner.

"He's stuck at school. Grading last minute test... You hungry?

YES.

"No. I ate at home."

Riley stared at her again before using a hand to brush some hair behind her ear. "OK. I'm going to make us ham sandwiches."

* * *

><p><strong>June 30th, 2001<strong>

_"I don't care Katy! If you will not listen to my rules, I want you out! You and that daughter of yours can go live with her deadbeat father! I'm sick of it."_

Katy could still hear the angry in her mothers voice as she drove down through town with one destination in mind: Davids.

She arrived at his house a little before ten. When she went up to knock the door she could hear the slight sound of music playing in the had left Maya's sleeping form in her car seat. She knocked on David's door again when he didn't answer. It swung open and Adam, one of David's football buddies, had a beer in his left hand the door knob in the other.

He looked at Katy and smiled at her, "Hey, haven't seen you in a while. Ya here to partaaay?" He said in his deep, slurred voice.

"No, I came to talk to David. Where is he?"

He opened the door wider for her to enter, "I don't know. In the kitchen I guess."

She slid past Adam and started to rush to the kitchen. She had to talk to him now because if she didn't get this off her chest, she'd regret it forever.

Adam was right, he was in the kitchen. Sweet talking a dazed eyed brunette with a skirt so short she could see her underwear. He used to talk to me that way, she thinks, but quickly gets over herself.

"David? We need to talk." He pulls away from the girl and looks at Katy shocked, like he was being caught red-handed. They had this silent agreement they weren't seeing each other but he still came by once in a while to drop off necessities and hold his daughter. He told the girl he'd be right back before leading Katy back outside to the front porch.

"What is it?"

Katy bit her lip. How was she going to tell him that she stole her parents other car because her mom kicked her out? How was she going to say she needed a place to stay?

"I'm.. Gonna need a couple of bucks for Maya. We're um-"she turned around to look at the car, "We're leaving soon."

David folded his arms and looked at Katy, "And where are you going?"

"To some other relatives, they live in South Carolina." It wasn't a complete lie. She did have family in South Carolina but that wasn't her destination. She was riding to New York City, The Big Apple, Broadway, lights! That was her dream after all.

"I'm not going to be able to see her."

"Oh my gosh, don't play that card like you want to see her anyways. You hardly come around anymore. You never wanted her, I did. So are you going to give me money or not?"

"Fine… Just make sure to call me when you get there." He handed her all the money he had in his pockets and stashed away various places in his bedroom. It totaled up to $206.32. That should last them to South Carolina. She tucked the money in her wallet, along with her parent's credit cards and threw it into the gloved compartments. She was going to get as far as possible for tonight as she could.


	3. They Call Her Love

A/N:

**They Call Her Love**

"Change of habits are too light to be felt

until they are too heavy to be broken."

Warren Buffett

**Monday May 7th, 2018**

The sound of Ms. Garrett hoarse voice over the clash of chalk to board made Maya's skin crawl. Every few seconds she would nod off a bit and Riley would nudge her to keep her head up. They had a Pre-Calculus test tomorrow and she greatly needed the review since she missed two whole days of school.

She ran her fingers through her short hair. She felt a vibration in her left pocket and discreetly pulled out her phone and laid it on her lap. She saw the name before she read the text message:

Butch - Meet me at your subway stop after school?

Maya smiled. She didn't know why. She was suppose to be hating him at the moment but whenever they were apart, she wanted him. He was the only on (except Riley) that understood her. Plus, he didn't mind getting high and drunk while Riley on the other hand would lecture her about it. She ran her finger over a white scar that laid on the inside of her wrist and texted back a quick reply.

**Me -**_ Y can't u pick me up?_

She was almost startled when he texted back so fast.

**Butch -** _My brother is gonna have my car by the time you get out of skool. Unless u wanna leave now?_

Maya sighed. She really shouldn't but she wanted to so bad. She hadn't drank anything alcoholic in almost two whole days. Her mother wasn't home that weekend either which put her in a more depressing state than she was before and she wanted someone to hold her. She also wanted to stay in school and get her work for the rest of her classes. And it was only 2nd period and she hated seeing that look Riley gave her when she did something bad. She ran her hands through her hair once more before sending her reply.

**Me -** _Sure. I'll be by the back doors. :)_

"OK guys pull out your notebooks, we are about to take notes on Imaginary numbers! Isn't math just excited!" Ms. Garrett said with the enthusiasm of a three year old. The whole class groaned in unison.

Maya raised her hand but didn't wait to be called on, "Um, Ms. G can I run to the bathroom real fast?"

"Sure, just hurry back."

Maya pulled herself out her seat and slipped her phone back into her pocket. She must have been running on autopilot because before she knew it, she was feeling the cool breeze of Spring air outside. She pulled her phone to her ear after clicking on 'Butch'. It ranged twice before his deep voice responded on the other side.

"Don't worry honeybun, I'm almost there."

"Ew, do not call me honeybun! That's what my mom's ex use to call her. Just hurry ok, I don't wanna get caught out here." Another gust of wind blew.

"Yo, I'm not even suppose to be driving forreal, I'm high as fuck." Maya's conscious was screaming every kind of curse at her but she ignored it.

"Ohhh, reckless. Got some left for me?"

"Only if you got somethin' for me." His words leaked out slow and steady.

She didn't reply. Thirty six seconds later (yes, she counted) he pulled up on the other side of the student parking lot and she wasted no time hoping in the front seat of his shiny black car.

Before he drove off he placed a huge hand on the inside of her small thighs. SHe leaned forward and pressed her lips onto his. His skin was so hot and he tasted of alcohol and weed she thought she was high just from kissing him. When she pulled back to sit back in her seat, she realize how red his eyes were.

"Wow, you really are high. Don't crash us." She warned, placing a hand on the ON button for the radio. She flipped through a few stations before shutting the radio off again. Life was boring and music made it no better when radios played the same thing over and over.

"My birthday is in 2 days," Maya said. She tried to fill the space of his car and fill his ears with something more than the muffled rush of passing cars on the street.

"And," he replied. She wanted to laugh at him but thought that would offend him and she didn't want him to kick her out of his car. She kept quiet the whole way. Only fiddling with the white scars that laid evenly on her wrist.

* * *

><p>"Go grab me a soda from the fridge," Butch told her. He meant it to come out like a question but instead it came out like a command. He pinched her on her hip for emphasis and she got up and went to his fridge.<p>

Lined in the inside were three boxes of soda surrounded by household things like the ingredients to make a sandwich and TV dinners and left over dinners from the nights before and an empty pizza box they never threw out. So, she threw out the pizza box and grab two cokes. She made a ham and cheese sandwich with no mayo, but with ranch (that's how he liked it so she didn't question it) and made a simple peanut butter and jelly for her. She placed them on two separate plates and brought them over to the couch they were sitting on.

"Here, eat something." She grabbed her sandwich and took a huge bit out of it. Butch placed his hand on her thigh again. Completely ignoring the food in front of him. He was more interested in the way Maya was sitting. Back against the chair, chest slightly pushed out and chewing on the bread like it did something to anger her. He liked the way her jeans hugged so close to her legs, he like her ruffled blonde waves that fell down he back, almost touching the down to her hips. She had let her hair grow an extra few inches because frankly, she didn't feel like cutting it anymore.

Maya could feel his gaze on her as she took another forceful bite out of her sandwich. She wonders why he hasn't just kissed her yet. She places her half eaten sand down before lifting her soda to her lips. She drank gingerly and before she sat it down, she licked her lips in an agonizingly slow motion that made the insides of Butch's stomach warm up. He finally got the courage to kiss her and when he did so, it wasn't smooth or soft or loving, but feverish, hot and rough, almost forceful. She could still taste him in her mouth, which mixed with her sandwich breath, but she didn't care. She was kissing Butch and enjoying every little rough tug and pinch of his teeth against her lips.

He reached his hand up her thighs, pushing his hands under her shirt to press his hands against her cold, cold, skin and slid it teasingly over the thin padding of her bra. It made her moan a little in his mouth which gave him the confidence to push her down on the couch. She wasn't to fond of the idea of fucking on the couch but it happened anyways so she just let it fall over her head and decided to add that to her bucket list, then cross it out again.

Maya counted how many times they had sex. Then she counted how many times the made love and how may times he actually took the time to undress her instead of just pulling down her jeans or hiking up her skirt to stick his way to stiff penis in her vagina. And the number weren't surprising at all. They had sex six times and only left her shirt on twice. They never made love and they probably never would. It kind of made her want to vomit her half eaten sandwich but she swallowed it down with another sip of her soda.

Now she sat back watching roll up joint so she could finally get the high she needed to function. Her mother would probably be home tonight and needed someone to take care of her stupid hangover. She needed to have some fun before then. Butch lit the joint up and took a nice slow inhale into his lungs before exhaling in nothing but perfect little O's.

Maya didn't have time for special tricks. When she needed a fix she needed it then and there. Not when people were done being magicians. She reached over and grabbed the joint out of Butch's hand. It startled him a bit but her just let out a loud laugh. He got up and went to the stereo system turning on something along the lines of Rap then Rock then Rap-Rock. Bopping his head along to the beats.

* * *

><p>Hart's Residence.<p>

Maya got in the house a little after one thirty in the morning. Her head was pounding and her wrist hurt a bit because of Butch's slightly-to-tight grip around them from time to time.

When she got home she spotted her mothers work shoes thrown haphazardly across the living room floor and her tiny white apron not to far away from them.

"Mom?" She calls out. She doesn't know why but she does it anyways. She just needs to make sure she's alive and breathing before she goes to her own bed. She makes her way to her mothers room, which used to be her Gammy's bedroom but Gammy was no longer around so her mother took the room and stopped sleeping on the couch. There were times when she wished Gammy was still alive. SHe wonders of she'd be walking in the house at one in the morning or if she'd be the perfect granddaughter. She wished Gammy was here to pull her up from under when she was falling or to try to set her mother straight when she was distant. Gammy was the only active family member she had. Now she's gone it's just her and her messed up mother.

She loved Gammy like her real grandmother. Her real grandmother, from what her mother had vaguely told her, was a strict woman with dark hair that was called Rebecca. Who kicked her out after Maya was born. Maya didn't know this Rebecca but she still kind of felt as if she had to love her. No matter how much Rebecca had probably hated her.

She raised a knuckle to the door. When she had gotten to reply she twisted the knob gently. She heard a _click _and pushed the door opened. It made a loud creak but it did not wake her mother. Her mother laid still on her stomach. He blonde hair shedding her from any light that could shine through they makeshift curtain she had on the windows. There was a distant siren in the background of the city and she wondered when life would get bad enough to have to call an ambulance to come and get her mother.

Katy Hart laid alone in bed tonight and she could tell by the fact she hadn't taken off her uniform she was tired from working late she fell straight to bed. Not worrying about where her daughter could have been late at night. Never leaving anything on her phone like a normal parent would. Maya stared at her mother through the light of the moon and walked softly into her room, shutting the door behind her.

Her waitress uniform was pulled up very high, almost showing her barely there underwear. Maya pulled it down. She also pulled up her shoes and placed her hair in an high messy bun because her mother hated when her hair would brush her face, before falling next to her mother in the bed. It wasn't really a bed for two but they fit neatly. Maya stared at the figure next to her, wondering what would happen if she had had a good mother. A good life like Riley's. She wonders what it would have been like to be smart like Farkle and boast about her many A's or if she would have been lucky enough to date someone (even if she'd never admit it allowed) as sweet as Lucas. And she thought about these things a lot when she was alone.

She imaged being in a family with a mother and father. She imagined straight A's and a bright future. She imagined a handsome boy that held her hand and said: I love you when he meant it and not just for sex. She imagined kissing him and running her hand through his silky brown hair and telling him reassuringly: I love you too.

But then she'd remember reality and how she isn't that girl she see's in her head. She would remember she is stupid and would never get a guy like Lucas to even look at her that way. They were the guys that stuck with Riley. But that is what she never understood. How could these two people, so perfect not become one and love each other? Maybe it was because opposites attract or maybe it was because Riley never really loved Lucas and that middle school crush was just that - _a middle school crush_. After all, Lucas never showed as much of a like-liking to Riley the way she did him.

Even if Maya could remember that she isn't the girl in her mind, she could imagine being Luke's girl in her mind and finally knowing what it meant to: _make love. _Or knowing what it meant to be happy with someone and not just content. But she wasn't, so she had to stop dreaming. She licked her lips and willed her brain to stop thinking and drift off to sleep.


End file.
